neil the critic

hors d'oeuvres

2008-04-25T07:46:00.001-07:00

"neil, would you like an hors d'oeuvre?"

(puzzled look)

"our chefs have been working all afternoon preparing the finest!"

(i tip the plate his way)

"thank you. "

(he takes a bite)

"daddy, this is just bread!"

traffic light

2008-04-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

"there’s a traffic light! i like traffic lights!"

"what does the red light mean, neil?"

"stop!"

"yes. what does green mean?"

"go!"

"that’s right. what does yellow mean?"

"up!"

"well, uh... that would be pretty cool, wouldn't it?"

paddle ball

2008-04-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

“are you playing paddle ball?”

“yes. hitting. i like playing paddle ball. paddle ball. that says paddle ball. i like hitting it. playing with my train. looking at my planets. that’s a good idea. done.”

david bowie, hunky dory

2008-04-07T06:48:00.000-07:00

"what does this sound like neil?"

"1 million dollars!"

"really? ok... anything else? can you tell me what key this is in? or what the time signature is?"

"free time!"

"yes, well... very good then."

"i'm proud of you daddy!"

the police, zenyattà mondatta

2008-03-28T06:47:00.000-07:00

"does this sound good neil?"

"yes."

"is there a message to this song?"

"he said 'doo dee doo, dah dee dah!' "

"isn't that deep?"

"no, that's silly!!!"

fleetwood mac, rumours

2008-03-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

“this sounds like 100 dollars!”

fleetwood mac, tusk

2008-03-26T06:24:00.000-07:00

"this is not my favorite."

"neil, did you know they spent 1 million dollars making this album?"

"no. "

"does it sound like 1 million dollars?"

"yes. great job everybody!"

the beatles, abbey road

2008-03-25T06:29:00.000-07:00

"its the beatles! it got beats!!"

and then he ran out of the room as fast as he could.

ac newman, the slow wonder

2008-03-20T09:25:00.000-07:00

"it’s a cymbal and a drum. and a guitar with strings on it making music."

"that's right."

"i wanna play a guitar."

"you can play all the guitar you want when you’re a little more grown up."

"i don't wanna grow up!"

"yeah, me either."

"me either, either, either!"

sweet potato

2008-03-19T07:41:00.000-07:00

"no! not now! milk!"

"you just had milk. you can have more after you eat some sweet potato."

"that's not right i think what."

"you think what?"

"yeah."

we get into a stare-off for a few seconds, then neil puts the smallest piece of sweet potato in his mouth and doesn't chew.

“milk!”

crickets

2008-03-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

"i hear crickets! they're singing us a song."

"what kind of song are they singing?"

"a christmas song!"

"why are they singing a christmas song in march?"

"its springtime!"

"is it christmas time?"

"no..."

"then why are they singing a christmas song?"

"they're... they're singing a rain song!"

wilco, yankee hotel foxtrot

2008-03-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

"it sounds like a bell. and a guitar. and a guy sings."

"do you like this music?"

"yeah."

"how come?"

neil just stares into space for the next couple of minutes. then he asks:

"where is this song?"

john denver, greatest hits

2008-03-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

"this is sleepy. i wanna go night night."

the rolling stones, exile on main street

2008-03-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

"daddy, this is rock and roll."

"yes it is."

"what is rock and roll sounds like?"

"i don't know, what does rock and roll sound like?"

"it rolls. it always rolls to the up side."